The Panty Papers Incident (2025P

 

From the Wikipedia of an Old Man

The Panty Papers Incident, colloquially known as "Fawnghazi" or "The Bondi Briefing,**" refers to a botched yet strangely effective attempt in March 2023 by former Florida Attorney General Pam Bondi to smuggle classified files—later revealed to involve Jeffrey Epstein, foreign intelligence assets, and two deceased televangelists—out of a secure congressional review session by concealing them in her undergarments.

The event drew immediate parallels to the infamous "Fawn Hall Incident" of 1987, in which Oliver North’s secretary reportedly stuffed Iran-Contra documents into her boots and blouse. In this timeline, however, Bondi leaned fully into a 21st-century flair, using shapewear from a Kardashian-sponsored brand to compress and conceal up to 17 pages of subpoenaed material.

Background

By early 2025, pressure was mounting for the full release of the Epstein Files—a combination of court documents, flight logs, and sealed depositions—following the sudden reactivation of several investigations post-Ghislaine Maxwell’s conviction. Conspiracy theories ran rampant, fueled by everything from drone footage of Little St. James being bulldozed at 3 a.m. to a resurfaced photo of Epstein playing pickleball with a man resembling Alan Dershowitz in a 2022 Florida retirement community.

Congress had convened a special bipartisan review session—dubbed the “Subcommittee on Unfortunate Associations”—to assess the credibility of new information leaked by an anonymous whistleblower known only as "Q-lite." Pam Bondi, inexplicably appointed as the “transparency ambassador” to ensure public trust, attended in a ceremonial capacity. Instead, she became the centerpiece of one of the most absurd cover-up attempts since the Great Email Printer Jam of 2016.

The Incident

On the morning of March 22, 2023, Bondi allegedly entered the secure review chamber wearing a floor-length white blazer over yoga leggings. Witnesses later testified that she appeared “tense but optimistic” and “vaguely caffeinated.” During a scheduled break, Bondi excused herself to the restroom, where she reportedly folded a small packet of high-profile documents—including a list of Epstein’s alleged “charity donors,” a forged letter to the Pope, and a crude doodle of Bill Gates labeled "The Gatekeeper"—into what she described as “strategic under-storage.”

Despite a growing bulge in her shapewear that made her “walk like a sentient meatloaf,” Bondi exited the chamber and attempted to pass through a secondary TSA-style security check. When an intern noticed she was “visibly vibrating,” Capitol Police intervened.

Aftermath

The ensuing scandal exploded online within hours. On Twitter (rebranded "X" but still called Twitter), hashtags like #PantyLeaks, #Victoria’sEgregious, and #BriefGate trended for 72 hours. Tucker Carlson opened his evening show with the line:

“Tonight, the deep state just got a little deeper—and tighter.”

Bondi, while initially defiant—claiming she was "performing a patriotic duty by shielding the public from harmful truths and sharp corners"—was later placed under house arrest at Mar-a-Lago, where she livestreamed her legal defense strategy via a sponsored podcast entitled “Truth In Shapewear.”

Political Fallout

The incident further deepened American cynicism regarding elite criminality and congressional oversight. Both parties distanced themselves, with Republican lawmakers blaming the Biden administration’s “lax underwear policies,” while Democrats proposed new legislation: the Secure Garment Act (SGA), banning the use of personal clothing in sensitive material transfers.

In a rare show of unity, Congress approved the formation of the Underclothes Intelligence Oversight Board (UIOB) to ensure that no future smuggling could occur “via brassiere, boxer, or buttcheek.”

In late 2027, HBO has optioned the story for a limited series starring Reese Witherspoon as Pam Bondi and John C. Reilly as a fictionalized Jim Jordan who tries to smuggle his own notes inside a meatball sub.